February

Usually, by this time of the month, I'm ready for the month to be over.
I felt that way in 2011.  3 years ago.
And I feel that way now. 
Each day, leading up to this week is just another anniversary.  Another day for me to say, 3 years ago...X, Y, or Z happened.

3 years ago, my life ended.
On February 22, 2011, my life ended.

And the next day, I woke up.
Eleanor. 
Eleanor came running into the house.
I had to be strong.
And my life started up again.

And I got through those next few days,
sometimes sleep walking,
sometimes not knowing what was going on,
because of her. 
Each day.
Week.
Month.
Year.
Because of....
for....
Her.

3 years ago today.
The day I buried my husband.
I got through because of her.
And my dad.  My dad who held me during that service.
And my mom.  My mom that can hug me like only a mom can hug me.
And my sister. And my brother-in-law. And my nephews. Oh my nephews.  How they adore their uncle Nic.
And other family members.
And friends.  Oh!  The friends!  My friends that would drive up and bring my favorite snacks, my favorite wine, and my favorite memories.  And they held me up. 

And then I met new people. 
New friends. 
And they kept me living.
And they met Nic.  And they loved him.  And honored his memory. 
And they held me up.

And one person in particular hit a cord deep, down inside of me. 
And that spark.  That spark that was extinguished.
Came to light.
And I not only lived now.  But I loved. 
Love. 
A life partner.
And it will NEVER not be weird that now, during this time of year, when I get sad or melancholy, he knows he doesn't have to say anything, he just holds my hand.  Or gives me an extra hug.  Anything to show me he loves me.

Because isn't that what it's all about? 
Isn't that how it ended?
And how it began again?
Love. 

So how do you honor the memory of great man?  Well, you don't need a date on a calendar.
You don't need an anniversary.
You just need love. 
And if we measure this life, any life, in love.  Then I'm one rich, lucky girl.
And Eleanor, is one rich, lucky girl.  And we know it.

Oh...but don't forget...just in case..."Baby, it's OK to cry".