Father's Day 2015

I found a quote once.  It really impacted me.

"So, this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

--Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

And that's my life.  I'm both happy. 

And sad. 

And it's a beautiful thing.

And on days like Father's Day, I'm reminded just how deep that juxtaposition is.  

First the happy.  

I mean.  What?

On a fairly regular basis, I ask myself, "Who is this guy?"  

He walked into my life. 

He accepted the beautiful chaos and took it as his own. 

He fell in love with me.

But he fell in love with Eleanor. 

He is Eleanor's Dad.  I watch the love that he has for her and it's magical.  

And his mini-me.  He can say all he wants about the similarities between Eleanor and I...but that boy of his...well...there is no mistaking who his dad is! And watching Andy raise Oliver has been equally magical.  When Oliver makes Andy laugh, it's like a laugh I never heard.  

He's just so proud.  And so are we.  I'm so lucky he's my best friend.  My husband.  The father of my children. We Love You, Dad!!

And then there is this guy.  

Apparently, Rayme and I need to take WAY more pictures together!

But words can not describe the respect I have for this man.  

Did you know when my dad married my mom, he wasn't sure he wanted children?

And then he had two girls.  

And he rocked it. 

He's my father.  He's honestly my friend.  I trust him, with everything.  He's a confidant.  He's an adviser.  I'm so proud to call him dad.  And honored that my children get to call him Grandpa.  

And that's not all.  I have not one, but 3 amazing Father-in-Laws, several Brother-in-Laws and just some amazing friends that have little people call them "Dad".  Each man has taught me something about fatherhood.  About life.  I just feel SO blessed on Father's Day for the male role models in my life.  

And then I go to church.  

And they decide to sing "On Eagle's Wings" on Father's Day.

And I lose my shit. 

It's not fair.  And I'm sad.  Eleanor is 6 year's old and she isn't celebrating Father's Day with her father.  I see posts on Facebook of adult children missing their dad's on Father's Day...and don't get me wrong.  I'll be lost on Father's Day without my dad...but I'm an adult.  My small child tells me about how Daddy Nic is celebrating Father's Day in heaven.

Nicolas, you are gone.  But never forgotten.  I hear you in her laugh.  I see you in her eyes.  I feel you in the love she shares.  She is yours.  And you would be so proud of her.  Your girls down here on earth love and miss you very much and hope you had a great Father's Day.  

So we are happy. 

And we are sad. 

But above all else - we are blessed.  

So to the men who are dads.  To the men that want to be dads.  To the men that serve as a father figure for some little person...or some big person. 

Bless you.  Bless you and the incredible role you play.  Happy Father's Day.